Skinny Kids Can Be Healthy Too

My husband and I were waiting at the bus stop, and an old lady who we've never met before came up to us and said, "Don't you feed your kids? You should give them lots of fish and rice. They will put on a lot of weight!" We went to a wedding and every single relative in that huge hall said the same thing to us, "Don't your kids eat anything? You should feed them well. Give them grounds nuts, ghee, one egg everyday, lots of milk, tonics that increase appetite..." An endless list of foods that are supposed to make our kids put on weight. We went to the hospital for a routine check up and random strangers in the waiting room told us to give them boiled potatoes... Starting to see a pattern? 

Well, you see, we have 'skinny' kids. They are of average height, but are a little on the slim side. In fact, when they have their shirts off, I can almost count their bones. Almost. Sometimes I feel like it's worse to have skinny kids than to have obese kids! If that sounds insensitive, please forgive me. I don't mean to be. As a person who was both a skinny kid, and an obese teenager, I understand the plight from both a parent's and child's perspective. My mother went from yelling at me to "eat something" when I was 8 to yelling at me to "stop eating everything" within a couple of years! I have seen her in tears on both occasions. And I have shed tears of my own, secretly. (That's a whole other story all by itself) So, to sum up, I know both sides of the story. 

However, as a mom now, my sole heartbreak is in hearing people tell me that my kids are not "chubby" enough and are therefore probably unhealthy, malnourished or underfed. Each word is like an accusation at my failure to do my duties as a mother. How can I explain to each person that I am already doing all they suggest, and probably even more, and yet this is just how my kids look? Do I have to prove to them that my kids are healthy even though they look skinny, by showing them the doctor's charts? Do they mean to say that all the chubby kids are in extremely good health? ... Ok... deep breath...!

I'm sure there are other mothers out there who feel the same way, although their voices get drowned out in all the loud, yet (I admit) very necessary noise about childhood obesity. Yes, childhood obesity is very much one of the deadliest problems plaguing our children right now, but having kids who are perceived as skinny is a very real problem too, albeit an uncommon one. Especially in India, where a chubby child is seen as cute and well-cared for and healthy, whereas skinny kids are seen as  sickly and undernourished and neglected. And having a skinny kid always invites unwarranted advice and admonishment. 

Mothers everywhere will agree with me when I say that one of the biggest peeves is unsolicited advice from random people on how we should be parenting our children. Even worse is the feeling of inadequacy when something happens that seems to prove their point! Many are the nights when I used to lie awake worrying about whether I am doing a good enough job as a mother, whether I potty-trained my kids too late, whether I don't give them enough to eat, whether I put off teaching them the alphabet song and the rhymes too late (you know this is a huge worry in India, where kids are "interviewed" before admissions, even for playschool!!)... and the list never ends. 

The question of whether my kids are eating enough or not is perhaps in the top 3 on that list of anxieties that are quickly becoming my default 'mom mood' nowadays. Now, I realize that my kids do have some health issues, which I am certainly not in denial about. First of all, as I have mentioned earlier, my twins are premature babies. My oldest's birth weight was just 2.5 kg, which is somewhere near the minimum side of the spectrum. Added to this, they have immunity issues because they are prone to streptococci infections now and then. Falling ill every alternate month does not help their eating habits and their nutrition intake, as any mom would agree. Surprisingly, in spite of all this, our pediatrician insists that they are healthy, and fighting quite well against all the health challenges that their little bodies throw at them. The only questions he asks me are, "Are they active? Do they play and romp around with enthusiasm? Are their motor, learning, and speaking skills good? Are they growing at a consistent rate, even if not rapidly?" Thankfully, my answer to all these is a very relieved, "Yes, yes!!" "Well, then," he always says with a satisfied smile, "you have nothing to worry about." Also, another important factor is that their body shape just might be hereditary. They certainly don't get it from me (haha....ahem), but there are several very slim people in my husband's side of the family. So, there's that too...  

By and by, I have made peace with the situation, and I try not to be too bothered by criticism and unwanted advice from people who think they know everything about my kids and my parenting skills just by looking at us. A lot of my worry and guilt is dissipated in the knowledge that I am doing everything in my power to make sure my kids grow into normal, healthy children and adults.

Here are some things we do to ensure our kids are eating right and growing healthy. This is not advice, don't get me wrong! This is just what works for my kids, and I wanted to share with other moms who might be looking for some useful ideas. Also, my kids are still skinny, even after following this! However, I do know they are not unhealthy or undernourished. So, here goes:

1. Slash off all the bakery and junk food: We used to give our kids sweets, cakes and biscuits from the bakery at snack-time. We figured they could do with some calories as they needed to put on weight. However, several articles warned, and our doctor was quick to concur, that these foods will only make our children prone to diabetes at earlier stages of their life. Any weight they put on, if at all, is dangerous for them. So we completely stopped bakery foods, limiting ourselves to a rare treat once a couple of months or so, and the odd biscuit they have when we are trying to keep them quiet at church (ugh... don't ask!).

2. Homemade snacks full of proteins and good carbs: our kids need a lot of carbs and proteins during snack-time as they are either just back from school or have been playing actively around that time. I've found that boiled peanuts, chickpeas, whole green gram, etc. make a great snack. Just boil them with salt, drain them, and make a sundal out of them. I go all out on the sundal, adding yummy masala powders, chopped onion, tomato, coriander leaves, squeezing in some lemon and all that. Make it pretty, so to speak. Put it in a colorful container, or an aluminium foil cone and you should make that work for at least 3-4 goes, until they get tired of it, and you have to come up with some other circus! Still... we'll try anything to get them to eat right? I also intersperse this with a lot of milk-based sweets like payasam, or types of kesari with some milk poured in instead of water. Throw in some cashews, almonds etc, and you're good to go. I also, regularly just hand them a handful of cashes or almonds etc. They love munching on that stuff.

3. Low-key Desi ghee: Ok, here's the thing - Desi ghee is good for kids. Heck, there are studies that prove that it's even good for adults! I'll need a special reserve of guts to try that, but for now, I sneak ghee into almost everything for the children. And when I say 'sneak', that is exactly what I mean. I Do Not use huge amounts of ghee in everything I make - just sneak a spoonful into a sweet dish or payasam I make for them, or drizzle a few drops on their dosa. Also, I try not to use butter. I somehow don't feel it's the same thing. 

4. Water and juices: the kids drink a lot of water. I guess living in a hot place has some benefits. We don't have to force them to drink water. But we also make some kind of juice twice or thrice a week and make sure they drink that up. The juice usually consists of some veggies we want to get into their bodies without them knowing ...hehe! 👍 Beetroot are mostly the vegetable they don't like. So we throw that in with an orange or mango, some pomegranates, drizzle in some honey, a squeeze of lemon, give it a whiz, and..." yay! yummy juice! I love juice!!" ... Music to our ears, people, music. to. our. ears.

5. 1 egg-2 milk: everybody eats 1 egg, and drinks 2 glasses of milk everyday. That's it. You can do a million things to dress up an egg... and even more to make milk interesting and that's what we do too.

The sixth one on my list is something that we haven't completely been able to do, but we certainly aspire to it, which is:

6 meals a day: Right now it stands at 4... or 4 and a half. The doctor prescribes between 4 to 5. But 6 takes a different level of planning, time-management and stamina which I honestly don't posses right now (seriously, who does?!), and one day we might be able to make it to a complete 5. It doesn't hurt to try, I guess...Do you do 6 meals a day for your kids? If so, please tell me how you manage this feat of pure mom-superpower? Share it in the comments, won't you?

Also, if you have any more great ideas, please do share. Moms can always use a good idea.

So, that's it. If you do some research online, you will see that this list doesn't even begin to cover all the things you could be doing for the kids, but, like I said, a) not everyone has the energy or time for all of it, and b) you don't have to do every single thing - you can try everything now and then for variety's sake, or stick to consistently doing a few that work for your kids.

In conclusion, what I want to say, I guess, is that mother's should actively resist people who try to make them feel guilty or compare their kids with the so-called standard, and know that every child is different, even within the same family, and most importantly that good health is more important than the size or shape of your child, or any person for that matter. And also, moms out there - you are not alone... there is always someone else who feels the same and will Most Definitely Sympathize with you.

My Comeback Post - 3 years in the making!

I read my last post about doing nothing for an hour, and I remember thinking that getting an hour like that in my whole day was such a luxury. And now, I would give an arm and a leg for that kind of time, and I still wouldn't get any!! That post reminds me of how relaxed I used to be and what has changed since then that has forced me to practically fall of the grid.

This is my comeback post, because, seriously, come back sleep, come back good skin, please come back 25-year old body with ache-free back, come back normal food habits and clean vomit-free clothes, and please, oh please come back peace and quiet!!

On the other hand, I am glad that was the price to pay, for the joy I have right now.

Here's what happened: (I have held off writing this for 3 years, since it is still difficult to put words to paper and express my thoughts clearly. Everything's turned out well since then, and that gives me the confidence to talk about things...)

During April of 2013, I was smack in the middle of my second pregnancy. In December of the previous year, we found out I was carrying twins and we were elated. Ours was the first twins pregnancy in a long, long time in both our families and everyone was eagerly looking forward to it. It was a difficult pregnancy at best (which one isn't!) and it was also one of the hottest years I have ever experienced in my whole life. I think 100% of all Indian residents will concur with me on that.

So anyway, we had just been to the doctor on 14 April for my 6-month checkup and the doctor told me everything was normal, and that I should start walking more. I, on the other hand, needed a person to help me to so much as roll over in bed! 'Huge as a house'would have been a crass understatement!

On the morning of 16th April, I woke up in extreme pain, and I couldn't sit or stand or keep any food down. We called our respective mothers, and both advised that we had better go to the doctor just in case. I could barely climb down the 15 or so steps leading down from our house on the first floor, and the trip to the hospital (which was literally across the street) was agony. Once there, the on-call nurses took one look at me, put me in a wheelchair and took me up to the labor room.

They said that my labor pains had started, and for the first time in my life I felt abject fear. More than 2 years after the fact, and my heart is still pounding as I write this. I just prayed, "Lord please hold my children inside of me for a little longer until they are strong enough to come out. You gave them to me, and now You are going to make sure I get to actually hold them in my arms." The doctor gave me some injections to strengthen the heart and lungs of the twins, and also some drugs to delay the delivery. We held on for another 24 hours, but finally on 17th morning I started to show signs of labor again, and the nurses suddenly whisked me off to the labor room. I was in there for a few hours with not a single familiar face to comfort me. All I had was the faith that God was with me in that room, and He was still in control of the situation, no matter how hopeless it seemed. At that moment I decided that I would talk more about God to Debbie and my twins (in the faith that they will be born healthy) because I realized that sometimes you can end up in situations where even your most loved ones cannot be by your side, and you may feel totally alone  in this huge, mean world. And the ONLY PERSON who can be with you wherever you are and offer words of comfort is God.

At around 3:30 pm, I entered the final stages of labor, and Judith Grace Hamilton was born at exactly 4:04 pm. 3 minutes later, out came Jason Russell Hamilton. I didn't know who was born first at the time, and all I remember was the doctor telling me that it was a breach delivery and that the chord was tied badly around both of them. They emerged looking so tiny, and grey, and .... silent. I think that was the most chilling moment in my life. Right this moment, my heart is stuck somewhere between my chest and my throat and my hands are shaking so badly I can't even type this....

The Neonatal first-aid team was standing by and my doctor just handed the babies over to them. She later told me that even she didn't get a good look at the babies. All she cared about was handing them over to the neonatal team so that the babies could receive the care they so desperately required.

The post-labor time was more difficult for me as my fear for the life of my children had taken over, and I had dropped my guard against the pain I was experiencing. I just wanted to know if my kids were alive or not. Later Hamilton would tell me how he was undergoing his own pain, as he stood feeling helpless and very afraid outside the ICU of the Neo-natal hospital while doctors and nurses took his new-born children in without a word to him. He said that the only thing he could do was pray and intercede with God for the lives of his kids. 

This is them at around 40 days. Jason on the left, and Judy beside him

Judy weighed 800 grams when she was born, and Jason fared slightly better at 890 grams. The neonatal specialist, a lifesaver in the true sense of the word, told us that Judy seemed to suffer from some kind of infection and was struggling to come out of the womb, and hence the premature birth. He said he had never taken in babies as premature as ours, but he would do everything in his capacity to help the babies. The twins were kept in the Neo-Natal ICU, on a heart monitor, respirator machine and ten other gizmos for the next two months. My kids required help breathing since their heart and lungs had not fully formed. In fact, almost all their internal organs were underdeveloped. For the first two months, they couldn't even accept mother's milk in its original form. The nurses used to re-grind some nutritional supplement powder and add it in small quantities to the milk to thicken it slightly so that it would settle in their stomachs and not regurgitate into their lungs and give them an infection, or worse, affect their breathing. The milk used to be fed through very thin tubes inserted through their noses, going directly to their stomachs. They were given blood quite a few times, and were also given a cart-load of medicines throughout their stay in the hospital.

I was allowed to hold Judy around 40 days after her birth. They was as tiny as newly born kittens and could barely open their eyes. When they cried their faces would contort but no sound would come out, since their throats were sore from tubes being inserted into their throats so many times.

Jason is on the left, and Judy with the extreme balloon cheeks, next to him

Judy was the first to hit the target weight of 1kg and was able to breath room air without support. Hence she was sent to our hospital room first, so that the doctor and his team could monitor us to see if we could care for Judy efficiently. I had to learn how to feed her milk orally from a tiny container. I had to learn how to mix all her medicines into the milk as I fed her, according to a huge timetable that was given to us. And I had to learn to stay alert at all times, even in my sleep, and be aware of every breath my child took. Jason joined us after a week, but the week away from his sister had dampened his spirits a little bit I think, and a day after he had been with us, he had some breathing trouble and had to go back into the ICU.

We finally left for home after having been in the hospital for 72 days. We practically lived out of that hospital room. Debbie would even come back there from school and do her homework sitting with us.

The hospital had very strict rules about people visiting the babies inside the ICU. Only parents were allowed to see the babies or hold them. Grandparents were allowed only for 30 minutes at a certain time in the day, and even then they were not allowed to hold the babies. This was done to ensure that the already struggling babies did not have to deal with further infections from outside.

Debbie with Judy

I remember that Debbie was so upset that she couldn't meet her brother and sister whom she had been waiting to see for so long. She made such a fuss, that the doctor eased the rules for the first time and allowed her to catch a glimpse of the babies through a window of the ICU. And one night, when the doctor was away, the nurses sneaked Debbie in for a couple of minutes to peek at the twins! I could see the happiness and pride radiating from her smile when she first lay eyes on them...

Debbie holds Judy for the first time.

The doctor said that we had to maintain a highly clean and infection-free area around the children for a few more months, and so we actually moved to a bigger house, so we could have one room specially for the twins. No one except me, my mom and my sis were allowed inside that room, since we were the primary care-givers. I lived in that room for the next 1 year, and only stepped out for a few hours to attend my sister's wedding... Yes, my sister got married in the interim, and I could not even be fully involved in it. I still regret the missed opportunity. She also had a little girl last year, and little Sarah is turning one this month.

Okay, here's a nice picture of those cuties:

My sister Jone and her hubby Wilson

This little chilli is Sarah Abigail Wilson

Anyways, our little twins have improved in health in leaps and bounds since our time in the hospital. They are now 2-and-a-half and are terrors in their own respects. They are doted on by relatives, neighbors and strangers on the street alike, and frankly, I think they're a little spoilt!

Debbie has introduced Judy to the awesomeness of bubbles and the concept has caught on. Jason... hmm... well, not so impressed.

They can fray your nerves to the last tiny thread and then give you such an angelic smile that you are suddenly confused as to why your were cross with them moments ago!

They love, LOVE, their dad and tolerate their mom. I've made my peace with that, since I figure it only serves to prove the fact that I'm the one who disciplines and brings up the kids in earnest and their Dad simply puts in an appearance at the end of the day, as the FUN GUY!

Although, it is sweet to watch him with the kids, so... 

Judy is the wisecrack of the lot, and just as I suspected when she was barely a week old, she's a control freak who has her brother and sister on a short leash!

The face that launched a thousand fights, spills, and hours of cleaning up terrible messes!

Jason is much quieter and reserved and always has an amused smile on his face, as if we all look comical to him as we scurry around with our lives, and he alone is aware of the higher meaning of it all, .

He loves his wheels, whether on a car, a bike, a kiddy tricycle, or broken off a toy and spinning helplessly on the floor!

Their best friend is their ever-patient, loving tolerant elder sister, who has had the good fortune of living with nosy 2-year old siblings just when she is beginning to appreciate having her own room, her own stuff and some privacy. Poor thing is often found crying that her homework notebooks got scribbled on, her hair accessories got thrown in the garbage or her Barbies got painted with markers... I empathize...

Side note: Proudest moment - watching my kid check books out from the library

I wanted to share this story because during our hard times I had read about a couple of families who had premature kids, and how they struggled. I just want to put my story out there because I believe it can give hope to others who have premature kids. I want to assure them that preemies are fighters and will overcome all odds to live a healthy life. All we need to do is have faith and patience and hope. Oh, and also, a LOT of patience, because, guess what, preemies are more prone to be extremely mischievous and they lack an appreciation for discipline and authority much more than other kids. So, yeah, get yourself an extra dose of patience and teeth-gritting and swearing-under-the-breath!

The Twins' first birthday

Judy bored when the food took a long time to come out at a restaurant

I love this chap to bits!

I want to end this post by saying Thank You! Thank you to all my readers, friends, colleagues, relatives and everyone who helped us out through this ordeal when our children were in the hospital. Some of you helped us financially, some brought us meals regularly, some stuck around for a really long time on the day of the birth and the days following, to hold our hands, encourage us, and just sit with us. Many of our friends visited regularly in the hospital, and we felt like we really had a protective wall of people watching out for us. I have to talk about some of our colleagues who gave blood for the twins several times. Words cannot express how grateful we are to you guys! And to all those people out there who kept us in your prayers, I just want to say thank you so much. Miracles can happen when God answers our prayers, and my children are the very proof of that. 

Phew... Okay, I am all talked out right now, and so glad I did this. Now all I have to do is have my fingers crossed and hope that I can keep doing this blogging thing at a sensible rate and that my kids don't delete my first drafts from the desktop when I'm not looking...

That's all for now, folks!