Skinny Kids Can Be Healthy Too

My husband and I were waiting at the bus stop, and an old lady who we've never met before came up to us and said, "Don't you feed your kids? You should give them lots of fish and rice. They will put on a lot of weight!" We went to a wedding and every single relative in that huge hall said the same thing to us, "Don't your kids eat anything? You should feed them well. Give them grounds nuts, ghee, one egg everyday, lots of milk, tonics that increase appetite..." An endless list of foods that are supposed to make our kids put on weight. We went to the hospital for a routine check up and random strangers in the waiting room told us to give them boiled potatoes... Starting to see a pattern? 

Well, you see, we have 'skinny' kids. They are of average height, but are a little on the slim side. In fact, when they have their shirts off, I can almost count their bones. Almost. Sometimes I feel like it's worse to have skinny kids than to have obese kids! If that sounds insensitive, please forgive me. I don't mean to be. As a person who was both a skinny kid, and an obese teenager, I understand the plight from both a parent's and child's perspective. My mother went from yelling at me to "eat something" when I was 8 to yelling at me to "stop eating everything" within a couple of years! I have seen her in tears on both occasions. And I have shed tears of my own, secretly. (That's a whole other story all by itself) So, to sum up, I know both sides of the story. 

However, as a mom now, my sole heartbreak is in hearing people tell me that my kids are not "chubby" enough and are therefore probably unhealthy, malnourished or underfed. Each word is like an accusation at my failure to do my duties as a mother. How can I explain to each person that I am already doing all they suggest, and probably even more, and yet this is just how my kids look? Do I have to prove to them that my kids are healthy even though they look skinny, by showing them the doctor's charts? Do they mean to say that all the chubby kids are in extremely good health? ... Ok... deep breath...!

I'm sure there are other mothers out there who feel the same way, although their voices get drowned out in all the loud, yet (I admit) very necessary noise about childhood obesity. Yes, childhood obesity is very much one of the deadliest problems plaguing our children right now, but having kids who are perceived as skinny is a very real problem too, albeit an uncommon one. Especially in India, where a chubby child is seen as cute and well-cared for and healthy, whereas skinny kids are seen as  sickly and undernourished and neglected. And having a skinny kid always invites unwarranted advice and admonishment. 

Mothers everywhere will agree with me when I say that one of the biggest peeves is unsolicited advice from random people on how we should be parenting our children. Even worse is the feeling of inadequacy when something happens that seems to prove their point! Many are the nights when I used to lie awake worrying about whether I am doing a good enough job as a mother, whether I potty-trained my kids too late, whether I don't give them enough to eat, whether I put off teaching them the alphabet song and the rhymes too late (you know this is a huge worry in India, where kids are "interviewed" before admissions, even for playschool!!)... and the list never ends. 

The question of whether my kids are eating enough or not is perhaps in the top 3 on that list of anxieties that are quickly becoming my default 'mom mood' nowadays. Now, I realize that my kids do have some health issues, which I am certainly not in denial about. First of all, as I have mentioned earlier, my twins are premature babies. My oldest's birth weight was just 2.5 kg, which is somewhere near the minimum side of the spectrum. Added to this, they have immunity issues because they are prone to streptococci infections now and then. Falling ill every alternate month does not help their eating habits and their nutrition intake, as any mom would agree. Surprisingly, in spite of all this, our pediatrician insists that they are healthy, and fighting quite well against all the health challenges that their little bodies throw at them. The only questions he asks me are, "Are they active? Do they play and romp around with enthusiasm? Are their motor, learning, and speaking skills good? Are they growing at a consistent rate, even if not rapidly?" Thankfully, my answer to all these is a very relieved, "Yes, yes!!" "Well, then," he always says with a satisfied smile, "you have nothing to worry about." Also, another important factor is that their body shape just might be hereditary. They certainly don't get it from me (haha....ahem), but there are several very slim people in my husband's side of the family. So, there's that too...  

By and by, I have made peace with the situation, and I try not to be too bothered by criticism and unwanted advice from people who think they know everything about my kids and my parenting skills just by looking at us. A lot of my worry and guilt is dissipated in the knowledge that I am doing everything in my power to make sure my kids grow into normal, healthy children and adults.

Here are some things we do to ensure our kids are eating right and growing healthy. This is not advice, don't get me wrong! This is just what works for my kids, and I wanted to share with other moms who might be looking for some useful ideas. Also, my kids are still skinny, even after following this! However, I do know they are not unhealthy or undernourished. So, here goes:

1. Slash off all the bakery and junk food: We used to give our kids sweets, cakes and biscuits from the bakery at snack-time. We figured they could do with some calories as they needed to put on weight. However, several articles warned, and our doctor was quick to concur, that these foods will only make our children prone to diabetes at earlier stages of their life. Any weight they put on, if at all, is dangerous for them. So we completely stopped bakery foods, limiting ourselves to a rare treat once a couple of months or so, and the odd biscuit they have when we are trying to keep them quiet at church (ugh... don't ask!).

2. Homemade snacks full of proteins and good carbs: our kids need a lot of carbs and proteins during snack-time as they are either just back from school or have been playing actively around that time. I've found that boiled peanuts, chickpeas, whole green gram, etc. make a great snack. Just boil them with salt, drain them, and make a sundal out of them. I go all out on the sundal, adding yummy masala powders, chopped onion, tomato, coriander leaves, squeezing in some lemon and all that. Make it pretty, so to speak. Put it in a colorful container, or an aluminium foil cone and you should make that work for at least 3-4 goes, until they get tired of it, and you have to come up with some other circus! Still... we'll try anything to get them to eat right? I also intersperse this with a lot of milk-based sweets like payasam, or types of kesari with some milk poured in instead of water. Throw in some cashews, almonds etc, and you're good to go. I also, regularly just hand them a handful of cashes or almonds etc. They love munching on that stuff.

3. Low-key Desi ghee: Ok, here's the thing - Desi ghee is good for kids. Heck, there are studies that prove that it's even good for adults! I'll need a special reserve of guts to try that, but for now, I sneak ghee into almost everything for the children. And when I say 'sneak', that is exactly what I mean. I Do Not use huge amounts of ghee in everything I make - just sneak a spoonful into a sweet dish or payasam I make for them, or drizzle a few drops on their dosa. Also, I try not to use butter. I somehow don't feel it's the same thing. 

4. Water and juices: the kids drink a lot of water. I guess living in a hot place has some benefits. We don't have to force them to drink water. But we also make some kind of juice twice or thrice a week and make sure they drink that up. The juice usually consists of some veggies we want to get into their bodies without them knowing ...hehe! 👍 Beetroot are mostly the vegetable they don't like. So we throw that in with an orange or mango, some pomegranates, drizzle in some honey, a squeeze of lemon, give it a whiz, and..." yay! yummy juice! I love juice!!" ... Music to our ears, people, music. to. our. ears.

5. 1 egg-2 milk: everybody eats 1 egg, and drinks 2 glasses of milk everyday. That's it. You can do a million things to dress up an egg... and even more to make milk interesting and that's what we do too.

The sixth one on my list is something that we haven't completely been able to do, but we certainly aspire to it, which is:

6 meals a day: Right now it stands at 4... or 4 and a half. The doctor prescribes between 4 to 5. But 6 takes a different level of planning, time-management and stamina which I honestly don't posses right now (seriously, who does?!), and one day we might be able to make it to a complete 5. It doesn't hurt to try, I guess...Do you do 6 meals a day for your kids? If so, please tell me how you manage this feat of pure mom-superpower? Share it in the comments, won't you?

Also, if you have any more great ideas, please do share. Moms can always use a good idea.

So, that's it. If you do some research online, you will see that this list doesn't even begin to cover all the things you could be doing for the kids, but, like I said, a) not everyone has the energy or time for all of it, and b) you don't have to do every single thing - you can try everything now and then for variety's sake, or stick to consistently doing a few that work for your kids.

In conclusion, what I want to say, I guess, is that mother's should actively resist people who try to make them feel guilty or compare their kids with the so-called standard, and know that every child is different, even within the same family, and most importantly that good health is more important than the size or shape of your child, or any person for that matter. And also, moms out there - you are not alone... there is always someone else who feels the same and will Most Definitely Sympathize with you.

Spine-chilling Reads for this October: The Stuff of Nightmares!

If there is one maxim about books that every book-lover knows and agrees to, it is this: The book is always better than the movie! The reason is quite simple, really. The words in a book are fodder for that thing in our mind that is rarely ever in our control - our imaginations! What we can conjure up in our imaginations is much more thrilling than anything man can represent through the visual medium. 

This is more true than when you are reading the horror genre. There is something about horror that pulls you in, against your own good sense. This happens to me all the time. In the course of reading a horror novel, I keep jumping at every little sound or movement around me, and am convinced that some horrible creature is hiding behind every curtain, chair and darkened door. The minute I finish the book, I tell myself, "Never again!" And then I go to the library, and the Stephen Kings and the Dean Koontz' start calling out to me, and I cave and borrow another 800 pages of fear and regret!

So, 'Misery' loves company (get it?) and I am passing on these horror gems to you too. Here are a few novels that made me afraid of my own shadow for a really long time. Enjoy!

1. Lisey's Story, Stephen King: What is a list of horror fiction, without the king of horror himself? I

was watching a talk that Stephen King gave some students, and in it he says that people always ask him about his childhood to find out what trauma could have messed up his brain so badly. He claims that nothing happened, but I have to humbly disagree. That man has a very active imagination, I accept. But that level of 'messed up' has to be purely certifiable trauma! Just saying... Lisey's Story is another one of King's novels that I feel has a lot of him in it. It's the story of Scott Landon, a successful novelist, as recollected by Lisey Landon, his widow. Along with her, we peek into the history of mental illness that riddles Landon, his brother and his father that ultimately led to the death of the latter two. We also see the "other world" that Scott has created, to deal with the traumatic incidents in his life. If the creatures in "Boo'ya Moon" don't give you the heebie-jeebies, I don't know what will! By the way, I am reading King's Duma Key right now, and already mentally prepared to kiss goodbye to nightmare-free sleep.

2. The Visitation, Frank Peretti: Ghosts and demons are all scary enough, but throw in some

religion and it downright freaks me out! This is one of those novels that made me feel so unsafe for more than a week. The protagonist of the novel is former pastor and now drunken recluse Jordan Travis, who is disillusioned with the church and its hypocrisy, and shuns everyone in his little town. A series of miracles (weeping statues, the blind seeing, the deaf hearing and the wheelchair-ridden walking) sets the tone for the arrival of a man called Brandon Nichols who does not protest when people call him the messiah. Apart from healing people, Nichols also has the eerie ability to find out what everyone in the town is up to, without even spying on them. Turns out he is in cahoots with the Devil himself, and has a couple of demons running around doing his dirty work for him. It now lies with the reluctant Travis to find out the secret past of Nichols, convince the town of the man's evil nature, and save the town from the wrath of this demonic man. The final reveal of how Nichols became what he is, is too scary to read or recount. Please do not read unless your religious convictions, whatever they may be, are really strong. I'm serious.

3. Dean Koontz: Though his stories are not outright paranormal and supernatural like King's novels, Dean Koontz's books can be every bit bloodcurdling. I think he is seriously underrated as a horror writer. I am including 3 of his books here, because they are really gripping and fast-paced, and Koontz's story-telling skills are better than most others in his genre. 

From the Corner of His Eye: The first book of Koontz that I read, this book has one of the most malevolent villains that the horror genre has seen. Enoch Cain Jr. is first introduced to us trekking up a mountain with his girlfriend who he adores. It's a romantic walk uphill, and when they finally reach the top, he pushes her off a cliff, killing her in cold blood! There are a lot of other characters in this novel, but Enoch is the one that gave me nightmares. He is a psychopath in every sense of the word, and often there is no rhyme or reason for his malevolent behavior. His unprovoked anger combined with extreme physical strength chills the blood of everyone who comes across him, and one has to wonder what it would be like meeting an actual person like that. No one gets out alive, I'm guessing.

4. False Memory: Imagine being afraid of your own self... Koontz fast-paced and gripping narrative forces us to experience the abject terror of people with various crippling phobias. They imagine sinister beings hanging around their homes, are afraid of stepping out of their homes, or are terrified of the cutlery  in their own kitchens. I thought I would be less afraid of the phenomenon when I found out that it was just hypnosis. But then I freaked out thinking that there were people around who had the power to shut down the minds of intelligent normal folk and misuse or abuse the poor things for their twisted pleasure... Brrrhhh!!

5. The Eyes of Darkness: This is the latest Dean Koontz that I read, and I have to say, it simply gets better. Interesting thing, though, is that this was

one of his earlier works, written under the pseudonym of Leigh Nichols. A bunch of kids go on a camping trip with their teacher, and are all killed in an accident. Among them is Danny, the son of Tina Evans, who died in that accident up in the woods, when he was just 12 years old. One day Tina has a nightmare where Danny comes alive, and she wakes up with her heart pounding. Soon after she finds the words "Not Dead" written on a chalk board that has been toppled over in her son's hitherto undisturbed room. There is one scene where the housekeeper hears a really eerie high-pitched sound coming from the boy's room and goes in to find the room literally freezing over. The characters constantly get the feeling that some sinister presence is lurking in the shadows and watching them. Although Koontz gives us a plausible explanation for it all, it still did nothing to calm the hyperventilation I experienced while reading this story!  

6. Deception Point, Dan Brown: This book came as a nice surprise to me, just when I was beginning to have enough of Dan Brown and his symbolism. Deception Point was literally a case of "don't judge a book by its cover" moment for me! Deception Point is a political+sci-fi thriller and calling it a page-turner would be an understatement. Every page has suspense, twists, and the heart-pounding that Dan Brown is known for. Plot points? Well, suffice to say that scientists find definitive evidence of alien life. And when I say 'definitive evidence', you know that Dan Brown has the magical ability to smudge all the lines between reality and fiction, and make us question our very basic knowledge and beliefs regarding our whole existence!! That's what he does here! Read it! It'll drive you bonkers!

7. Neanderthal, John Darnton: Ever heard of him? This was the first time I had heard his name, and

I was not prepared for the level of suspense in this book. A scientist finds a tribe of actual neanderthals living somewhere in the mountains in Asia. (Wait... is that racist? Oh well, whatever). Anyway, this fact is not revealed straight away, and it takes the two protagonists a while to figure this out. Meanwhile their journey there is simply nerve-racking for the reader. Coming face to face with the neanderthals is also spine-chilling, as it would be if we actually met some real ones, I'd imagine! The book does drag into the second half. I expect that is because the most interesting part (finding the existence of neanderthals) is over, and now we just wait to see what modern humans are going to do with that information. I read some reviews on Goodreads and I have to say some of them where a bit ungenerous. Still, I liked it a lot because the theme was so new to me, and I thought Neanderthal should find a place on this list. Yes, I realize I am apologizing too much for this book!

8. The Next To Die, Kevin O'Brien: Someone is killing off gay people in Hollywood in the most gruesome ways possible and leaking the personal stories of the stars to the press. Dayle Sutton, a rising actress, is all set to play the role of a gay lawyer in her next movie. As she sees her gay friends being butchered in real life, and their personal lives butchered in the press, she wonders if she will be killed next. The parallel story is of a Hollywood couple who are the people's sweethearts but they have a sad marriage owing to the mental illness of the wife. The characterization is very realistic and the murders chilling enough to make it seem all too real in our minds. 

9. Flash Point, Metsy Hingle: Another new find for me, Metsy Hingle is a great storyteller who creates enough suspense to make us want to turn the

page in a hurry. She also creates detailed characters who become endearing with their quirky conversations and their tender romance. The story is so simple that the paranormal aspect of the story catches us off guard every time. Kelly Santos, a New York photographer, comes to her hometown when she hears that her favorite friend and mentor from her orphanage has died. She returns reluctantly, only to see a vision of the murder of a man. She goes to the police to warn them of the murder, but finds herself suspected of the same. Only homicide detective Jack Callaghan is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Kelly is shy by nature, and what forces her to avoid people even more is the fact that every time she touches someone or something, she gets a vision of the past of the person or senses if they are in danger. Hingle springs Kelly's visions on us so suddenly that it sends us reeling, just as much as it does Kelly Santos. A good read with enough twists to keep us guessing.

10. The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe: Well, hello! There has to be Poe! The Raven is not a novel, I know. But you read that poem and tell me it doesn't give you the chills. A raven itself is quite an unsettling creature, with its dead eyes, pitch black feathers, and the potential to gouge your eyes out (Thanks a lot, Hitchcock!). And then it just sits outside Poe's window, and repeats "Nevermore" and then stares at him. I think it was Poe who single-handedly turned the raven into a quintessential symbol of horror, thus completing the scary fauna selection for horror-movie directors everywhere. With the owl, the raven, shrieking bats, and the black cat, I think we have blood-curdling covered!


So there it is. 10 horror novels that gave me my worst case of neck-hair prickling, goose-bumps inducing, spine-chilling scares. Read at your own peril! Don't forget to enjoy...

Colors Infinity - Too Many Cooks?

Yes, Colors Infinity is finally gracing us, complete with a semblance of a TV schedule, with actual

 ads and repeats and all that. Indian Television can now boast of having one more entertainment channel and 7 more shows we are going to ignore to watch a bunch of drawling Australians cook. Don't get me wrong, I mean Masterchef Australia is actually one of the best shows on TV right now, whether reality or otherwise. But I feel that 'My Kitchen Rules' is actually worse than Masterchef US. I could rant about that last one for a week, but I'm savoring it for a later date when I really feel like punching a wall!

Right now, back to Colors Infinity. A new channel with a good look, I think those guys have their television-loving hearts in the right place. Colors doesn't err too much in these things. Even their Hindi line-up is decent. 

Here's why I would want to watch Colors Infinity:

Good Line-up of Shows - Colors Infinity offers some really good shows. Blindspot is an awesome show. The excessively tattoed woman who can't remember who she is, but can take down three men in under 10 seconds... I mean, COME ON! And she has an FBI agent's name tattoed to her back...INtriiigggue!! Black Mirror is another show that actually deserves the adjective 'gripping'! With one-hour long episodes, each telling a different story, I kind of got an acutely Roald-Dahl vibe from the show. And I LOVE Dahl, so thumbs-up right there. Shows I wouldn't mind watching are Flash, The Big C, and Forever.

The Stage: Another singing contest reality show, The Stage is different from the rest in that it features Indian contestants singing English songs. A refreshing change from other reality shows of this kind, so far, The Stage doesn't have any of that stupid introspective inane monologues that contestants indulge in and there is no bitching (yet) of other contestants. A nice surprise is that the judges are actually fair and open with their critiquing. I completely expected them to be impressed

with every contestant who did a poor imitation of every singer from Western pop music. But it was nice to be proved wrong! When someone is all swag and no performance, they call the person out on their BS and send them to the bench. Seriously, try slipping a quick one past Vishal Dadlani! The judges are equally quick to appreciate an unassuming contestant if they have an amazing voice. More than anything, all judges unanimously insist that the contestants bring out their unique personalities to their singing, and make the song their own, instead of doing an imitation of the original artiste. The cherry on top is the pleasantly engaging Shibani Dandekar, who hosts the show with a 'Çat Deeley' vibe, but toned down tastefully for an Indian audience. Her language is impeccable, and has none of the vomit-inducing vocabulary like 'mind-blowing'and áwesome'and 'fantabulous'... blech! I have a sour taste in my mouth just saying those words! Looks like Colors Infinity has put a lot of serious thought into putting The Stage together, and it does not disappoint.

However, there's a couple of things where the channel is completely missing the point, and that's where AXN and FX are going to steal audience numbers if Colors Infinity doesn't get its act together quickly.

How Colors Infinity is Pulling the Rug out from under its feet:

The Schedule: This is why you can't put Karan and Alia in charge of real work - the scheduling of shows at Colors Infinity. Those two are just sufficiently out of touch with reality to assume that normal people have 3 hours to spare, sitting in front of the telly watching 3 episodes back to back of any show, however popular or gripping it is. Most people watching shows during the evenings are folks back from work, sometimes bringing a bit of work home, or making dinner or feeding kids or getting them to finish homework, or getting ready for bed in general. And these are not shows that you can let run in the background and go on with your work, and still keep track of the story. Believe me, I've tried it! So, the back-2-back episodes are just not working. You get hooked on the first episode and you really want to watch, but by the time the opening credits roll for the second episode, you find that there are a million things left undone around you, and you've just got to ditch this show and hope for reruns some time in the future. FAIL guys!

Yeah...I wouldn't advertise that, if I were you!

Shows that don't really work: My Kitchen Rules, as I said earlier, is a messed-up version of Australians cooking. They have taken the back-biting and sabotaging to a whole new level, by giving these inane people the right to score their opponents! Predictably, the contestants deliberately give each other low scores. Nice going guys. Real mature! iZombie, Arrow, and The Musketeers are a few other shows I happened to watch. They just didn't keep me hooked all that much, and I let them go after a couple of episodes, I'm afraid.

I confess I haven't followed Colors Infinity from start of the day to the end, and there are some shows like Chasing Life, The Player, The Last Ship (promos looked really good), The Night Shift etc. that I simply have never watched, because its just not possible to do that and continue to live like a functioning member of the human race. So this isn't a thorough review of the channel. This is just my overall impression, and comments on some glaring issues and some really good stuff I noticed.

Well, as TV channels go, this is not one of the worst, I'll say. That honor goes to MTV. That channel has been on a downward spiral for a long time now! Anyways, Colors Infinity is in its growing years, and I'm sure they are going to get better with time. I'm really looking forward to the news shows on their list - The Royals (sounds delicious!), Bates Motel (some good old psycho horror) and Nashville (I'm sure there's got to be oodles of sass in that one. Backstage with singing sensations! Oooh!) So, yay! There's not much that can go wrong from now on.

Except...

Oh, Karan? Please stop saying 'paradigm shift'! Just STOP!

My Comeback Post - 3 years in the making!

I read my last post about doing nothing for an hour, and I remember thinking that getting an hour like that in my whole day was such a luxury. And now, I would give an arm and a leg for that kind of time, and I still wouldn't get any!! That post reminds me of how relaxed I used to be and what has changed since then that has forced me to practically fall of the grid.

This is my comeback post, because, seriously, come back sleep, come back good skin, please come back 25-year old body with ache-free back, come back normal food habits and clean vomit-free clothes, and please, oh please come back peace and quiet!!

On the other hand, I am glad that was the price to pay, for the joy I have right now.

Here's what happened: (I have held off writing this for 3 years, since it is still difficult to put words to paper and express my thoughts clearly. Everything's turned out well since then, and that gives me the confidence to talk about things...)

During April of 2013, I was smack in the middle of my second pregnancy. In December of the previous year, we found out I was carrying twins and we were elated. Ours was the first twins pregnancy in a long, long time in both our families and everyone was eagerly looking forward to it. It was a difficult pregnancy at best (which one isn't!) and it was also one of the hottest years I have ever experienced in my whole life. I think 100% of all Indian residents will concur with me on that.

So anyway, we had just been to the doctor on 14 April for my 6-month checkup and the doctor told me everything was normal, and that I should start walking more. I, on the other hand, needed a person to help me to so much as roll over in bed! 'Huge as a house'would have been a crass understatement!

On the morning of 16th April, I woke up in extreme pain, and I couldn't sit or stand or keep any food down. We called our respective mothers, and both advised that we had better go to the doctor just in case. I could barely climb down the 15 or so steps leading down from our house on the first floor, and the trip to the hospital (which was literally across the street) was agony. Once there, the on-call nurses took one look at me, put me in a wheelchair and took me up to the labor room.

They said that my labor pains had started, and for the first time in my life I felt abject fear. More than 2 years after the fact, and my heart is still pounding as I write this. I just prayed, "Lord please hold my children inside of me for a little longer until they are strong enough to come out. You gave them to me, and now You are going to make sure I get to actually hold them in my arms." The doctor gave me some injections to strengthen the heart and lungs of the twins, and also some drugs to delay the delivery. We held on for another 24 hours, but finally on 17th morning I started to show signs of labor again, and the nurses suddenly whisked me off to the labor room. I was in there for a few hours with not a single familiar face to comfort me. All I had was the faith that God was with me in that room, and He was still in control of the situation, no matter how hopeless it seemed. At that moment I decided that I would talk more about God to Debbie and my twins (in the faith that they will be born healthy) because I realized that sometimes you can end up in situations where even your most loved ones cannot be by your side, and you may feel totally alone  in this huge, mean world. And the ONLY PERSON who can be with you wherever you are and offer words of comfort is God.

At around 3:30 pm, I entered the final stages of labor, and Judith Grace Hamilton was born at exactly 4:04 pm. 3 minutes later, out came Jason Russell Hamilton. I didn't know who was born first at the time, and all I remember was the doctor telling me that it was a breach delivery and that the chord was tied badly around both of them. They emerged looking so tiny, and grey, and .... silent. I think that was the most chilling moment in my life. Right this moment, my heart is stuck somewhere between my chest and my throat and my hands are shaking so badly I can't even type this....

The Neonatal first-aid team was standing by and my doctor just handed the babies over to them. She later told me that even she didn't get a good look at the babies. All she cared about was handing them over to the neonatal team so that the babies could receive the care they so desperately required.

The post-labor time was more difficult for me as my fear for the life of my children had taken over, and I had dropped my guard against the pain I was experiencing. I just wanted to know if my kids were alive or not. Later Hamilton would tell me how he was undergoing his own pain, as he stood feeling helpless and very afraid outside the ICU of the Neo-natal hospital while doctors and nurses took his new-born children in without a word to him. He said that the only thing he could do was pray and intercede with God for the lives of his kids. 

This is them at around 40 days. Jason on the left, and Judy beside him

Judy weighed 800 grams when she was born, and Jason fared slightly better at 890 grams. The neonatal specialist, a lifesaver in the true sense of the word, told us that Judy seemed to suffer from some kind of infection and was struggling to come out of the womb, and hence the premature birth. He said he had never taken in babies as premature as ours, but he would do everything in his capacity to help the babies. The twins were kept in the Neo-Natal ICU, on a heart monitor, respirator machine and ten other gizmos for the next two months. My kids required help breathing since their heart and lungs had not fully formed. In fact, almost all their internal organs were underdeveloped. For the first two months, they couldn't even accept mother's milk in its original form. The nurses used to re-grind some nutritional supplement powder and add it in small quantities to the milk to thicken it slightly so that it would settle in their stomachs and not regurgitate into their lungs and give them an infection, or worse, affect their breathing. The milk used to be fed through very thin tubes inserted through their noses, going directly to their stomachs. They were given blood quite a few times, and were also given a cart-load of medicines throughout their stay in the hospital.

I was allowed to hold Judy around 40 days after her birth. They was as tiny as newly born kittens and could barely open their eyes. When they cried their faces would contort but no sound would come out, since their throats were sore from tubes being inserted into their throats so many times.

Jason is on the left, and Judy with the extreme balloon cheeks, next to him

Judy was the first to hit the target weight of 1kg and was able to breath room air without support. Hence she was sent to our hospital room first, so that the doctor and his team could monitor us to see if we could care for Judy efficiently. I had to learn how to feed her milk orally from a tiny container. I had to learn how to mix all her medicines into the milk as I fed her, according to a huge timetable that was given to us. And I had to learn to stay alert at all times, even in my sleep, and be aware of every breath my child took. Jason joined us after a week, but the week away from his sister had dampened his spirits a little bit I think, and a day after he had been with us, he had some breathing trouble and had to go back into the ICU.

We finally left for home after having been in the hospital for 72 days. We practically lived out of that hospital room. Debbie would even come back there from school and do her homework sitting with us.

The hospital had very strict rules about people visiting the babies inside the ICU. Only parents were allowed to see the babies or hold them. Grandparents were allowed only for 30 minutes at a certain time in the day, and even then they were not allowed to hold the babies. This was done to ensure that the already struggling babies did not have to deal with further infections from outside.

Debbie with Judy

I remember that Debbie was so upset that she couldn't meet her brother and sister whom she had been waiting to see for so long. She made such a fuss, that the doctor eased the rules for the first time and allowed her to catch a glimpse of the babies through a window of the ICU. And one night, when the doctor was away, the nurses sneaked Debbie in for a couple of minutes to peek at the twins! I could see the happiness and pride radiating from her smile when she first lay eyes on them...

Debbie holds Judy for the first time.

The doctor said that we had to maintain a highly clean and infection-free area around the children for a few more months, and so we actually moved to a bigger house, so we could have one room specially for the twins. No one except me, my mom and my sis were allowed inside that room, since we were the primary care-givers. I lived in that room for the next 1 year, and only stepped out for a few hours to attend my sister's wedding... Yes, my sister got married in the interim, and I could not even be fully involved in it. I still regret the missed opportunity. She also had a little girl last year, and little Sarah is turning one this month.

Okay, here's a nice picture of those cuties:

My sister Jone and her hubby Wilson

This little chilli is Sarah Abigail Wilson

Anyways, our little twins have improved in health in leaps and bounds since our time in the hospital. They are now 2-and-a-half and are terrors in their own respects. They are doted on by relatives, neighbors and strangers on the street alike, and frankly, I think they're a little spoilt!

Debbie has introduced Judy to the awesomeness of bubbles and the concept has caught on. Jason... hmm... well, not so impressed.

They can fray your nerves to the last tiny thread and then give you such an angelic smile that you are suddenly confused as to why your were cross with them moments ago!

They love, LOVE, their dad and tolerate their mom. I've made my peace with that, since I figure it only serves to prove the fact that I'm the one who disciplines and brings up the kids in earnest and their Dad simply puts in an appearance at the end of the day, as the FUN GUY!

Although, it is sweet to watch him with the kids, so... 

Judy is the wisecrack of the lot, and just as I suspected when she was barely a week old, she's a control freak who has her brother and sister on a short leash!

The face that launched a thousand fights, spills, and hours of cleaning up terrible messes!

Jason is much quieter and reserved and always has an amused smile on his face, as if we all look comical to him as we scurry around with our lives, and he alone is aware of the higher meaning of it all, .

He loves his wheels, whether on a car, a bike, a kiddy tricycle, or broken off a toy and spinning helplessly on the floor!

Their best friend is their ever-patient, loving tolerant elder sister, who has had the good fortune of living with nosy 2-year old siblings just when she is beginning to appreciate having her own room, her own stuff and some privacy. Poor thing is often found crying that her homework notebooks got scribbled on, her hair accessories got thrown in the garbage or her Barbies got painted with markers... I empathize...

Side note: Proudest moment - watching my kid check books out from the library

I wanted to share this story because during our hard times I had read about a couple of families who had premature kids, and how they struggled. I just want to put my story out there because I believe it can give hope to others who have premature kids. I want to assure them that preemies are fighters and will overcome all odds to live a healthy life. All we need to do is have faith and patience and hope. Oh, and also, a LOT of patience, because, guess what, preemies are more prone to be extremely mischievous and they lack an appreciation for discipline and authority much more than other kids. So, yeah, get yourself an extra dose of patience and teeth-gritting and swearing-under-the-breath!

The Twins' first birthday

Judy bored when the food took a long time to come out at a restaurant

I love this chap to bits!

I want to end this post by saying Thank You! Thank you to all my readers, friends, colleagues, relatives and everyone who helped us out through this ordeal when our children were in the hospital. Some of you helped us financially, some brought us meals regularly, some stuck around for a really long time on the day of the birth and the days following, to hold our hands, encourage us, and just sit with us. Many of our friends visited regularly in the hospital, and we felt like we really had a protective wall of people watching out for us. I have to talk about some of our colleagues who gave blood for the twins several times. Words cannot express how grateful we are to you guys! And to all those people out there who kept us in your prayers, I just want to say thank you so much. Miracles can happen when God answers our prayers, and my children are the very proof of that. 

Phew... Okay, I am all talked out right now, and so glad I did this. Now all I have to do is have my fingers crossed and hope that I can keep doing this blogging thing at a sensible rate and that my kids don't delete my first drafts from the desktop when I'm not looking...

That's all for now, folks!

A Brief Deliberation and Study of the Nothing

As ironic as it may be, that a comeback post should be about nothing, this concept, is by far, the only thing that interests me at this very moment. Perhaps it is the fact that I am currently reading Dickens, or the fact that I have grown several decades older (not wiser, mind you, just older) in the short span of a year, but this is how I sound now, and there is no apparent remedy that I know of.

Having done away with that brief and inconclusive introduction let me talk about an hour I spent doing nothing. An hour I was gifted by chance, the other day. An hour that has spurred in me the need to write.

It was smack in the middle of a normal day, and the singular task before me, that hour, was to sit and do nothing. It does not matter how I came to that juncture or the events that led to it. Only that I had an hour before me.

The phrase ‘doing nothing’ is one of the most delicious sounds to my ear. ‘Chocolate’ is a close second to it. Yes, ‘chocolate’ is second. And when I say, ‘doing nothing’, it does not mean vegetating on the couch, staring at the television at some inane sitcom that stopped being funny somewhere in the 90s. It does not mean taking a power nap that turns into a full-blown paralysis, where your dreams are more vivid and dreary than your actual life. It does not mean sitting at a coffee shop, nursing a cup of coffee, exchanging gossip with a friend, where you claim to relax, but you are actually keeping tabs on how many times you have ‘relaxed’ in the last six months. It does not mean taking a vacation, sleeping in late, ordering in room service, while, in your head, you are running conversations you will have with your friends about how you “did nothing” on your vacation. Or even worse is the same scenario, except it is a “staycation.” I never understood the purpose of that one, really.

My hour of doing nothing was spent staring.

I first stared at the everyday objects in front of me – a notebook with scribbling that reminded me of certain confrontations that meant nothing now, my phone which reminded me that I had to call several people but never got around to it, a shelf with sundry objects, the purpose of which had long been forgotten, and other symbols of mundane life that threatened to crowd out the precious minutes of this rare hour.

Soon, my eyes strayed to the window… what beauty lay there! I could see trees, swaying to the wind, stretched out as far as I could see, and over the horizon, the pale blue mountains. I did what any human would do – admired the scenery for what felt like ages, but was probably only a few minutes in mundane time. Gone were reminders of the callings outside of that window frame. These were replaced by pure admiration of the good fortune of a tree, whose obligation, at that moment, was to stand and sway against the wind. I could do that! Oh, how it would feel to do that! Stand against the wind, eyes shut, swaying… Oddly, it makes me think of sun-baked Italian streets – a place I have literally only been in my dreams. I realized my best dreams feature Italian streets! An amazing discovery about myself, right at that moment!

There-on, I sat looking out at the pale mountains, wondering how it would feel to stand on the very top of that mountain, feeling content that there was nothing higher that I wished to climb. And then, once I am there… doing nothing.

Suddenly, the clouds lifted from the grey firmament that was my mind. I felt neither my shoulders, nor the burdens that rested on them. I had no memory of all my thoughts so far. I had no clue about how I existed. Only that, with my eye fixed on the whiteness beyond, over that mountain, I could get away with doing nothing. 

And I did.

Perhaps it was the world moving again, or a bird flying by, I am not sure, but one of them brought me back to this realm of ‘doing’. And I realized, I had things to do. Somethings, many things, everythings… but I would always have the delicious memory of the hour I did nothing.

When A 'Flop Song' Brought on a Kolaveri!!

Looking at the sudden craze over Dhanush's nonsense song from the movie "3", I really want to shout, "People! Why this kolaveri?!?! It's just a song!!!" 

But then, from the beginning, everything about this song has been odd to me. I just can't make up my mind on whether I like it or hate it!

First of all, I heard about this song from the most unlikely source on the planet - my husband. The man who is totally clueless about pop culture, who uses Twitter to read about world news, deleted his Facebook account because he had too many friends (more than 900!), listens to Beethovan and classical instrumental music on YouTube, and has no idea what an Internet meme is! Most importantly, I sometimes think he is oblivious to the Tamil movie industry! So imagine my surprise when he asked me "What is this new Tamil movie song that everyone is talking about? Some Dhanush song?" I would never have imagined that the words 'Tamil movie', 'Dhanush' and 'song' would come out of my husband's mouth in the same sentence, so it took me a couple of minutes to process the information. When I surfaced, he showed me a news story that NDTV was running on this new song that Dhanush had composed and sang. I saw our skinny hero, complete with headphones and nifty recording paraphernalia, belting out a 'nonsense' song. Everything made sense about the song, except that NDTV felt the need to cover this story on the morning news. Then I reasoned that it must be a really slow news day, no earthquakes, fast-unto-deaths, or pregnant celebrities. 

And then I looked up the video on YouTube. Whaa??????? The song had just been released, and on YouTube no less, and already it had hits somewhere in the six-digit area. Whoa! Where was I when all this was happening? Okay, so then I sat down to listen to the song.....

The first reaction from me was one of disgust and shock - "What the...? Is this the song that everyone is making such a big deal about? It's a simple, no-need-for-creativity Tamil gana song, with words that make no sense to any one! Worse - the song is absolutely predictable!" 

But I clicked 'Replay' and listened to it again....... and then I listened to it 5 more times.... and then I created a new YouTube playlist for it, and I had no heart to leave it all alone, and I added 50 more Tamil songs to the playlist, played the playlist and simply hit 'replay' everytime the "Kolaveri" song ended.....

I WAS HOOKED!

I shared it with a million friends, and also grabbed the headphones from someone else and listened, if I knew that they were listening to the "Kolaveri" song. I hate listening to songs on people's mobile phones, because I hate the tinny quality of the audio, and am totally disgusted with the audacity of the person who thinks that everyone will appreciate him and be grateful for forcing them to listen to his choice of bad music. But for the first time in my life, I listened to the "Kolaveri" song on a friend's mobile phone, in a public place!! I shocked myself!

So, if you follow a phenomenon so closely, you HAVE to Google it, amirite? So, yeah, I did a Google search, and I saw links to articles talking about what a big hit the song was, then I saw a couple of tangent videos - one was the original leaked audio of the 'kolaveri' raw version, another was the female version (not that impressive, by the way), and a kiddie version (absolutely adorable rendition by Sonu Nigam's little son... must watch!), an English R&B version (VOM!)and a thousand low quality uploads from fans of Dhanush!!! There was so much material on the Net, I was mind-blown!

Oh... and I forgot to mention the interviews! Switch on the television that week, and all you could see was mikes shoved in Dhanush's face, asking him "How did this happen?" (erm... people.... a song was composed. That is ALL! It was not the discovery of alien life on Mars, or the discovery that Dhanush himself  is alien life!! Sheesh! Now THAT would have been real news!) And Dhanush blushing (if that's even possible) and saying, "It is nothing, folks. Ignore it! It is just a nonsense song. I wrote it in 20 minutes. It's not that good...really... you all should just ignore me and my media-hogging wife with the superstar Dad! Really....." But the more he said it, the more people fawned over him and his super-successful family and their super-duper hit song, and the more hits the song received on YouTube, and the more it got tweeted, and the more hashtags it spawned, and the more celebrities wrote the lyrics down on a piece of paper and tried to sing it (badly) in front of a bunch of press cameras (looking at you Abhishek!) and the more people went berserk over a self-proclaimed "FLOP SONG"!!!!!!!!

Shame on you if you can't see the irony of it all!!!

Well. If you don't, let me explain....

1. The song calls itself a 'Soup Song' - meaning it's about guys who get unceremoniously dumped by girls who failed to see their usefulness. And yet, I can just picture every guy in the country singing it to his girlfriend, and making her laugh with glee!

2. It's a 'flop song' - Dude, can the song BE any more of a hit????

3. Every one from the director to the composer to the singer is asking us to ignore the song "It took us 20 minutes to compose.....we did not even have lyrics written down.... we just sang whatever came to mind... we made this song for fun... we were just fooling around.... it was no big deal! Ignore us!" - Then what the heck are you doing topping the charts in several countries and going all kinds of mad viral on the Web!!! Explain Yourself!!

4. Dhanush, singing, popularity, international appeal - everyone of those words is paradoxical to the rest. And yet..... every one of those things happened one after the other as if they were direct and predicable results of the previous.... Twist your brain around that, if you will!

Conclusion: Well, I guess the down-to-earth nature of the song is what appeals the most to people. And most definitely the customizability (is that a word?) of the song.... you can change it to suit any situation. There is one guy who rewrote it to talk about problems that Tamilians face in Jaffna, there is this IT version that laments the plight of IT guys in India working for foreign clients, there is a version by a couple of girls that is a sort of reply to all the "accusations" leveled against them in the song (probably not tasteful enough to be featured here), a flash mob version (always my favorite versions) and, well, there are so many versions, so why don't you just see for yourself!!! (scroll down in the flash mob video's page)

Anyway, we could talk about this all day, or you could decide for yourself if this song is really that big of a deal. So here you go:

And the flash mob, because I thought it was cute:

Hehe! Check out that guy in the striped blue t-shirt!!

My First Born is Moving In!

Hello readers, this is just a small announcement - I have made a relatively significant change in my blog space right here. As some of you may know, I have another blog called 'Ad Libitum' over at http://janeadlibitum.blogspot.com. This is my older weirder blog-child that just won't take form the way my second one is. She's (no clue why, but I just automatically decided it's a girl) always been a little lanky, under-nourished, and low-profile. I just cannot understand why. And when the second, more robust, blog-child came along, he (again, I just decided that) took so much of my attention that my older blog-child has been left unattended for quite a while.

As a good responsible mom of the blogosphere, I have decided that my first-born's voice, however feeble, should be heard too. So, I have imported all my content over from the 'Ad Libitum' blog to sit over here. This, though primarily a review blog, will also talk about my personal life and other interesting snippets that I would like to bring to the family dinner table.

I must sheepishly confess that the fact that this relatively newer blog was receiving more views and comments than my older child, was one of the deciding factors that drove me to scoot my older child in here, so she can share the spotlight. Also, this url comes up easier in a Google search than the other one... :P

So, before I wear this metaphor thin till you hear the logic snap, let me just alert you to the fact that as you scroll down, you will see all my posts from the other blog. If you have never visited me at Ad Libitum, well, there you go - I made sure that you are not spared! If you have, then you know that all my *air-quotes* words of wisdom *close air-quotes* are safe here, even after I have deleted the other blog. Now, please, for heaven's sake don't ask me (as I am asking myself right now) how I can use the word 'delete' when talking about a metaphorical first born. This is the Internet, and I just did. So there!

Aaaainyway, I will leave that blog up for a while, along with a redirect message. And after a while, it's gonna go. So, please continue to drop by here. I look forward to many conversations with you about stretched metaphors and tummy muscles... sorry.. tmi...