Of Morning Walks and Monologues...

I walk to work everyday (the most misleading thing I have said all day!). And when I say 'walk to work', I don't mean a brisk 1-mile trudge that keeps me healthy and fit, and looking 10 years younger. Nope. The daily morning walk to work takes me a measly 8 minutes!! Totally not beneficial.

So, anyway, I walk 'briskly' every morning, and I'm usually having a happy, interesting conversation with someone....usually myself :(

And this is how it goes...

"Okay, hon, stepping out right now...you're already late...you have 8 minutes to clear an 8 minute distance....Are you going to do this? Hmm...we'll see...walking. walking. walking. step. step. step. looking good baby! Walk, walk, walk....

OOOUUUCChhhhh! What was that?...Something went 'click' in my knee! Okay, ignore it, keep going...Limp, limp, limp....ok, better now...walk, walk, walk...

Oh cripes. There's the Cake shop across the street! Mmmm...nice smells...yummy smells...

(looking at watch) Do I have time to step in for a quick purchase? Okay, Do I NEED the extra calories?? No, and No...for God's Sake Jane, NO!! Geez!

Okay, walk, walk, walk, walk...TRIP! Shucks! Who put the stones in the way?!?!

Okay, nothing happened...no one saw you hon..keep walking, keep walking...you have time...(looking at watch) OH CRAP! I have only 3.5 minutes...where did all the time go, darn it?!?!?!

Okay, keep walking...no ditch that...I think it's time you started running! Oaky, run, run, run..."Run, Forrest, Ruuunnn!" Okay, grow up...Do you really need the "Forrest Gump reference now?!?!

Ooh, nice new shirts on display at the Men's Clothing store on the way!...Hmph! Ignore it! Stupid stuck up clothing store...probably too expensive! Sour grapes...blah, blah...

Oh good, finally at the office building...(looking at watch [for the umpteenth time, even though it does NOT help!!]) Oh cripes...1 more minute...

Okay hon, now you have to climb 4, Four, FOUR floors...Sheesh people, lifts were invented for a reason, you know..Anyways, it's the only exercise you get all day!! so, CLIMB already!!

Climb, climb, climb, no..scratch that...RUN, run, run...

What the...people walking up the steps are getting there faster than me! Shucks.

Run, run, run...GASP, GASP, GASP!! Run, run, drag your feet, stomp, stomp.....crawl, crawl, craaaaawwlllll......Wheeeezz, wheeezz, wheeezzz....cough, cough!

(Drumroll and trumpets blaring) I MADE IT, I MADE IT...YAAAAY!!!! And heck, I have 5 minutes left on the clock!!!!!

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?", you ask?

Well, this is precisely why I set every, and I mean EVERY clock 10 minutes ahead, so that I think I start out 10 minutes early, and half way through I think I'll be on time, and then I assume that I am already 5 minutes late...and PANIC...and when I reach, It's a nice surprise to know I am 5 minutes early!!!

Now ain't that wonderful...fine and dandy!!........................................

.................Aw, shucks....sometimes I don't even recognize myself....!

Somebody bring back the 20 year old Jane, please!

What I wanna be...

What I really am...

HELLPPP!!!!!

Twitter Hop Thursday!

Hey guys! I love linky parties...they are the single most effective reasons to get me to write something in this space!!! Now, that's a compliment to all the linky parties out there, but I don't think it says anything nice about my blogging skills!

Anyway, I found this Twitter-hopping linky party the other day, and am absolutely thrilled with it.

What is a Twitter Hop Thursday? Well, a bunch of bloggers host this linky party where everyone gets to enter their twitter handle/username. You get to follow many fun twitter users, and...get this...they follow you right back!!

Superb way to get more followers!!

So, Twitter Hop Thursday is hosted by Simply Stacie, The King's Court IV, Little Yaya's, and Review Retreat. All great women, with wonderful blogs (their blog layouts are awesome...I want too!), and to-die-for giveaways. Check them out! Oh, and they always follow you right back, on Twitter! how cool is that??!!!

So, head on over to Simply Stacie's blog here, and get yourself the code, this here cute button, and linky code etc. I am no good at all this code and stuff, and after several frantic bouts of copying and pasting, I have not been able to make the linky thing appear on this post....HELP!!! Somebody....!

Aaaanyway, have fun Twitter hopping, you guys!

Disc-lame-er: This post contains one dog, a book, a movie, 2 readers, a partridge and a pear tree!

Think you can handle that? Then read on...

Has anyone ever felt slightly weird when they start blogging? Like, 'Dude, why the heck are you talking to yourself?' That changed today for me, because I had something lovely waiting for me on my Dashboard -  listeners (a.k.a readers...commentors...people who actually read a post and responded!). I am pleased as punch...although I have never had punch...Hmmm....Nope...not even been punched...Yep...pretty sure...

Anyway, thank you guys - my two readers! Love ya :)

So, I have started reading after....like...forever!! I forgot how to read a book...chalk that down to having 6 gray hairs, one daughter, one job, one husband, and no time (or life) to speak of....This, people, THIS, right here, is precisely why I have only two readers...I am no fun, I tell ya...

I am reading Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts. I love that name...Billie Letts...the possibilities are endless - "Billie Letts go to the movies!", "Billie Letts vacation at the Bahamas!", "Billie, Oh Billie! Letts just sit out here on the patio, stare at the sunset and sip iced tea, and forget the world...Oh Letts, please?!"

I haven't gotten to the end of the book*, but it was like a sweet breeze that creeps up on you, blows the hair away from your face, and cools the sweat on your brow...I needed to read a book that told me that nice people really exist, and are not an extinct species. You know, Faith in Humanity and all that stuff. Thank you for the book, Dazzling Ray! And this is the cover of the book that I am reading:

image courtesy http://lyrics.smashits.com

Just seeing Ashley Judd and Natalie Portman on the cover told me that I just have to watch the movie. This has got to be full of Southern wholehearted kindness, and the drawl that I have really come to like more than all the other American accents. 

I have never reviewed a book until I have finished it (and a couple of lives have passed by!), but I simply had to make an exception for this one. It was too good to not talk about. Read this one, especially if your heart is suffering from frostbite, and you just want something to warm you up inside, or cool you down, depending on which part of the world you live in...This book will do for your soul what a lovely sunset and a sip of iced tea will do for your temperament.Trust me. So, Letts read Where the Heart Is...!

I am also now going to gripe about a disappointing movie I saw the other day - Marley & Me...OOOkkkeeey, that is probably soooo not going to help increase my readership..."Gasp! She doesn't like Marley & Me?! Oh, the shame...Tsk tsk!"

But, to be perfectly downright blatantly honest with you? I saw too much blonde in that movie! No, don't get me wrong...I have nothing against blonde people. In fact, I am amazed at how hair can naturally possess that color, since all I have ever seen is dark or black colored hair. Mine has a few streaks of ugly gray...which I totally mourn.

Anywho, I just don't feel that comfortable with all the 'bright'ness in the movie. The movie is an adaptation of the book, which is supposed to be a true story. Somehow, I did not get that impression when I watched it. It was too much like a no-brainer romantic comedy. 

And, I strongly feel that Owen Wilson should not be playing husband/boyfriend to Jennifer Aniston. You know, like I said, too much blonde!! He looks like a guy who could play her brother...come on, you know it...they look like blood relatives...it's kind of creepy...Okay, you don't have to agree...just my honest opinion here!

Pair Jennifer with someone like...Oooh, I dunno...Uuhhmmm...Gerard Butler...then we're talking! (about a totally different movie, but still...it works, right?) Or even David Schwimmer (Oh no...wait...that's just my FRIENDS hangover!)

But these two:

image courtesy http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews 

Nope...not working for me...cross your heart and tell me these two don't look like siblings...Go on!

Another thing - dogs movies...or animal movies in general...not really my thing! Now I could just relocate to another planet, I know. I must be the only person on the planet not interested in animal movies...but I just cannot enjoy them...cute ones, funny ones, huge and ugly ones...none of them go down well with me...I don't like this thing about making animals act...or worse...basing an ENTIRE plot around them (PETA will probably give me a medal for this!)

Note: I am also not crazy about having pets in the house....hence the lack of fun on weekends, and the totally bored expression on my husband and daughter (who both love animals), and their desire to go chase lizards instead...Brrr...I have shivers running down my spine right now, just thinking about it.

So, I sat down to watch Marley & Me for Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston (both actors whom I like a lot) but was very disappointed that the dog (who is from hell!) was the center piece...and I was bored very very quickly.  An hour and more of this was not really exciting:

image courtesy http://www.fanpop.com/spots/book-to-screen-adaptations

People walking one way, and the pet ALWAYS going the other direction!

And this:

image courtesy http://jtjoshy.wordpress.com

image courtesy http://www.cleveland.com/moviebuff

Dog going berserk and people chasing him all over town/beach/house...whatever.

And this:

image courtesy http://reviews.filmintuition.com

image courtesy http://www.theepochtimes.com

Dog wrecking stuff for the heck of it, and people tolerating/enjoying it. 

So, I posted all these pictures because really, this is the last time...

Note: I realized that I have more to say when I gripe than when I approve. Someone please hand me a self-help motivational book that does not involve animals...sigh!

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*UPDATE: I've finished the book, and I love it even more, if that's possible!